dear Jessica,

well, wondering whether is it appropriate to actually type it out. but since im already in it, so why not :)

i might be actually thinking of what to type.. so really pardon me if there are typos in it. just typing out my thoughts n feelings.

so, its 14 feb... which is valentine's day. the day when lovers express their love to each other i suppose...

giving roses n chocolates... u might receive them from others later on...

this space just couldn't tell you how much i have to say. but i guess what i wanted to say will be just nice to fit into words.

well it has been like 18days only since youre gone.

really loads of stuff has been happening...

i might not be seeing you when youre back in singapore visiting jemaine n windel. just hated it but ill have to live with it.

so thats just not fate, decisions are final. ill have to go a longer route to just achieve that much. perhaps god just wanted me to work more harder. haha^^

at the starting of the year i was having so much hope and confidence in passing the exams. but now its just all gone. gotta be into different commitments.

ive gotta work way harder i know.. even though im actually risking my interest in my studies.

those 2years will be there for me to review myself. i bet ive got tons to change...

so when youre back. ill just hope that i could feel it... ill be happy if you are coming back. but sad again that it means that you will be leaving.

these 18 days just feel so long. really appreciated that you decided to reply my messages...

i know words like "imissyou" n "iloveyou" doesnt mean much to you. but im seriously missing you... too much to just fit into those letters..

ah its hurting again...

everyday looking at the pictures of us is what makes me go on...

they were awesome enough... ive been staying out late thou.. i didnt really wanna be home that early cos my mind just wanders away...

but i know what im doing is just simply wrong. not just this thats wrong... there's actually much more things that ive did wrongly...

theres a saying what goes around comes around.. so now what ill be facing will be something like the punishment...

but ill accept it:) i believe that every failure is another step to success...

"Would you be my valentine?"

that line is common but however it always works...

you have been saying about it... n ill heed it..

but you u do need me,

ill be there for you whenever youre down...

ill be there to hear your rantings

ill be there if you wanna share you happiness or sorrows.

but it wont be possible for me to be there immediately..

i wont be that far from you.. im just a text away... im always waiting for your text.

i cant be there.. but that doesnt means ill never be there

ill try to plan n go over to your place if i could... im just worried that you wouldnt allow...

valentines day...

just want you to enjoy your day n im sure that you will enjoy it though...

be it 2years or 5years or 10years

that yes or nod will be what im waiting for...

and it should only come from you..

yes! ill be waiting for you

iloveyou!

happy valentines day!
<3

maybe a few hours later...

ill be deciding on the next path of my life...

i just need my parents green light..

it will be 2years...

it will pass very fast i supposed..

now thinking of it even im not enrolled i also felt..

i just miss everyone now!
i think you guys can hear it yea?

just :) n wish me all e best if i go in...

its like after cny but im still gambling..

just 21 only..

n ive learnt sth from it...

my situation is like...

ive no money but i got 15, which is not enough as u need at least 16pts to end your turn..
so i gotta take a card n risk just hoping it doesnt go beyond 21
no money to go private but need to find a sch or i go army, risking cos if i go army i might lose interest in studying...

next case will be like

got tons of money so no harm if it goes beyond 21 at start, just put a bigger stake to win it back next round...

just like u cant go anywhere after os, put more $$$ go private school n study..

sigh..

dont wanna say much.

but i guess my decision is clear thou...

i miss everyone..

people like:

juvena

jemaine

Jackie

windel

gangsheng

Damien

chloe

yihui

ben

if i were to really go in... just try to come send me off yea?
will catch up with you all :)

botakboy94 soon!
:)

sigh...

i miss everyone but i couldnt let you down...

you just cant seem to get out of my mind..

must take care of yourself yea...

drink more water..

study n stay happy :)

today's post...
it will be like on myself...
all my post has been real sad n i think it will continue to be..
im like typing with my eyes closed...
im seriously tired...
so much things...
crucial decision making coming up...
for me, being eighteen its one of the most challenging years...
i think my life will be challenging from today onwards...

received the letter to defer my full time n/s
i was asked to defer again...
but i called up the help centre and i was disappointed that i might not be able to retake my olevel this year..
thinking till now...
serving the army has both pros n cons...
im worried for my mum if i head to army... im scared that ill lose interest in studies n might not be able to support my mum...
if i go in, this 2 years will be like a break for me to think of what ive done, n things that ive havent covered yet...
i hope the latter one will be what ill be facing...
will be heading down to lasalle for my last hope in education...
$16.2k,
i wonder how but ill just hope its possible.

glad to c all my friends are carrying on with their education...
even if they are not, they will be doing fine...
just like my other four brothers..
jeff,ben,mike n gs..
jeff n ben is studying in a institution.
mike n gs are studying n raffles college
there are still people like jerrome,juvena,chloe,jemaine,damien,windel.
all will be heading to their respective poly/ jc for school...

actually ive got alot to tell them.
cos if i was to enrol n head for army...
there wont be much time spent with them...
i think i shall post them here... im sure that they could hear it.

Jeff:
im not so sure what to say to you but dont go stray. really dont want you to turn into a hooligan or anything of that sort. get a diploma or better olevel cert n carry on studying. just dont get influence much. god bless you!

Ben:
for you uh, i hope your family is getting better. not under probation must be good. but doesnt mean after that u can be bad again. mustnt let jeff go the wrong way.. pull him back to where he should be. im pinning all my hopes on you.. you gotta buck up for your exams!! god bless you!

Mike:
do not get too immersed in soccer or her. not so good.. just stabilize your education first... slow n steady wins the race.. jiayou! dont give up CI! god bless you!

Gs:
just another replicate of me. glad that youre moving on to studying unlike me.. im just not that good to be like you guys. so i gotta go on solo campaign. ive told u all my reasons yeh? is not i dont wanna aim a better life. but i cant. im born to be like a worker not a boss. wish me all e best! best wishes for your future endeavours! god bless!! :)

Juvena:
gonna be businesswoman already uh... slowly manage uh. dont rush later cant cope... do also consider to retake your maths:) no one to talk to u at night already if im really gg to army first. cant annoy you anymore...jy n catch up with u soon.

Chloe:
retaking olevels. dont tire yourself out.. jy!

Jemaine:
it has been quite awhile since i told you anything... korkor here is really happy for you when youre in jc. study hard n head to uni fast uh. dont neglect your studies nor your love! will miss you alot when im in the army ^^ loveyou!!

Windel:
eh. maintain sia LOL! fast study find job work n save up for this lady ontop ^^ waiting to attend your wedding uh. also must earn to support the family (with the new one) n her.. must catch up with u n yihui everytime i book out.. make sure he knows how to cycle yea! so we cycle to jalan kayu taohuey

finally..
im left with you...
really got too much stuff to tell you. but i dont know where will be appropriate to start with.. i seriously miss you alot!!! :(( dont keep bottling things to yourself. im always there to listen if youre willing to tell me... just text me a message anytime (even when im sleeping!!) ill reply you ASAP! (hope my iphone notify me) ill be holding on like you told me not to let you go... ill be there for you. :) stay happy alright:) drink more water n rest more... be back soon. but ill need to apologize if you come back n im in the army.. i really dont wan that. :( loveyou!!

I still believe it when you say it's another perfect day, Another perfect day :)